Yesterday was the very first chingay training using the cape. It sure was a mess. Haha! Don’t know I got slap how many times -.- lololll hopefully it will get better after more trainings. Nmhrgk!

Everything went well until the end of yesterday’s training. Was heading home alone and bump into qi jun while I was on my way to promenade. That totally spoilt my mood. He said “hello lynn! where’s ******* ? “ and I was like “erm, no idea?” everyone who knew us knows how close we used to be. Everytime I attend gakkai activites, people will bring your name up. Sigh, where’s the old you and where’s the old us ? And the damn thing is that I gonna face you every week till the end of chingay. When chingay ends in feb, we will still gotta see each other at least once a week to attend NP25 or any other soka meetings. This is so so so fuck up seriously. I know I shouldn’t say this but I’m beginning to hate you. Why the hell did we ended up this way ? You’re a guy, please don’t behave like a pussy. Most people that know us is asking me to give up and not try to salvage anymore but I wonder why I can’t. Maybe someday both of us will have to sit down and clear things out. I can no longer take it. This feeling sucks! Really …

Pretending to be fine but for what ? I need a long and sincere hug ...